Trying to Have a Baby When You Are Over 40, My Personal Story
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Trying To Conceive Over 40
Although this is a story of a personal journey, I am writing it in mind of the many thousands of other women out there who may also be trying to get pregnant in their 40’s. Granted mine may not be the same scenario as yours and we all have different situations and also I don’t know how the situation will turn out, but I know that when I was thinking of trying for a baby in my 40s, I wanted to hear of other people’s experiences.
So my situation is this, I am 43 and I have no children as yet, I have never felt a great urge to have children up until now, and even now I would say that it is not a massive urge that has suddenly come over me but a conscious decision that this is something that I would like to do as part of my life. I think I have to see it like that as I know that it may not happen and if it doesn’t I need to think that I am no worse off than I am now.
As I have not had any children previously I don't even know if I am able to but as things go on I will probably try and get checked out by my doctor to see if everything is in working order.
So the additional problem that I have is that I am not currently in a relationship which is not an ideal place to be when you are thinking of having a baby, especially when you are 43! However, my ex-partner who I split up with a number of years ago, is happy to be a father to my possible baby and I am more than happy for him to do that as I know he will be a great father. We have discussed it and are ready to give it a try at least for 6 months of so and so I will just have to wait and see if or when we might be lucky enough to have a baby.
So, the next few months will be crunch time. I believe I am in a reasonably good physical state to be trying for a baby at age 43 as I have never smoked, am physically fit and am having regular periods. I do drink occasionally but not excessively and will try to cut that down to a minimum. I am taking extra vitamins which include the recommended folic acid so hopefully am doing what I need to do. I have calculated my most fertile time (approximately 10 to 14 days after the start of your last period but depends on cycle etc) so will start trying when that time occurs!
I know that the chances of conceiving when I am over 40 are not great but I do have a number of friends who have had a baby at age 40 or over and all of them have been reasonably healthy babies at that.
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Trying to conceive in your 40s seems to me to require a little bit of extra effort than if you are younger so I will try and use every means possible to make that happen for me. As the time left is to conceive is probably pretty short I need to get it right as soon as possible and of course my volunteer baby father will probably not be around forever!
1 Year Update
So that you don't ahve to read through all the comments I have put below, I will summarise what has happened over the last year. After 10 months of trying I luckily got pregnant. I felt like this was great for it to happen this quickly at my age but unfortunately I miscarried with a blighted ovum at 2 months.
3 cycles later (one of which was anovulatory) and I had a chemical pregnancy which I found encouraging that I was still able to get pregnant, but just need to catch that good egg that must be hiding somewhere!
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Thanks howcurecancer, not yet, it is still early days but I will for sure keep this page updated with what happens, albeit good or bad.
First chance coming up this weekend if I have hopefully calculated the time of ovulation correctly. Unlikely to happen at the first occasion of TTC but who knows...
Am now in my first TWW (two week wait), could be a stressful time but I have to try and forget about it and just get on with things. Am not drinking and am not sure what else really I shouldn't do but will try and take it as easy as I can anyway. Am making myself promise not to test until I am at least a couple of days late (if that happens) so will see if I can hold to that...
So after the first month of trying I got a negative. I thought I had had quite a few symptoms (see here)
http://hubpages.com/hub/Pregnancy-Symptoms-Obsessi
but it was my body playing with my mind!
So, on to another month!
So I'm into month 2 of trying to conceive and this time I am trying some new things. I have ordered some ovulation test strips and also some soft cups to try this time round (http://www.soft-cups.com). I've heard lots of positive reviews of people using soft cups and getting pregnant so am going to give them a try!
So it is almost the end of the second month and today I have cramps and can feel my period about to start (a couple of days early). I went to my doctors and am going to have some tests done. You can see more info on my full blog here:
So I thought I had better comment as I haven't for a while - last month was negative of course :( - I went for my day 21 blood tests this week and should get the results of those this week. I am in the TWW again and have been testing but negatives so far - have had some symptoms but may be fooling me once again. 4 days until AF is due so I guess I will find out soon.
OK so another negative month - day 21 bloods came out normal so I went for day 3 bloods this month. I'm out for August as 'partner' is away so will restart in September. Have ordered some bee pollen and royal jelly as I have heard good things about this.
Just a quick update - day 3 bloods also came out well - normal results there. Back in for this month now and have started to take the bee pollen and royal jelly as well as maca.
So another few months has gone by and still no BFP :-( I think I only have a few more months of trying and then I will have to give this up and move on...
Another update - I am still ttcing but still no BFP. I guess when I first started this I just thought it would happen - maybe it still will but I know it is going to take longer at this age so I need to be patient. My volunteer partner's SA did not come out that well but still in with a chance and he is taking some vitamins now so that might up the count a bit.
OK so today AF was due and I got a rise in my temps. I took a test and it came out positive!!! I know there is a long way to go but it has happened. I am 44.
Butterfly67, I too am 44 and TTC. I'm very happy for you and very much hope it all works out ok for you. I recently lost one at 11 & 1/2 weeks which was hard but hoping that mother nature will be kind and give me another chance at it. Thanks for sharing your story. Stories like this give me further hope. Keep me updated, I'd love to share your journey.
Hi Kat and thanks for your comments. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how hard that must have been. Yes, I wish you the best and really hope this works out for you, there really is probably more hope than the statisticians make out for us older ladies.
Hi. I am so happy that you are going through this process. Right now I am 38 and I don't have kids nor am I in a relationship at the moment, but I am guessing that I may be in the same situation as you as far as trying to get pregnant in my 40's. This give me a lot of hope.
Hi Myrna, my advice would be to try as soon as you can if you have the opportunity. Or possibly to freeze some of your eggs while you are 38 as they really to deteriorate after you are 40+. Although it is still possible to get pregnant in your 40's it does take a lot longer and I'm afraid that I had bad news yesterday that my pregnancy is not viable as I have a blighted ovum. This is where the gestational sac develops but not the fetus. It is most likely because of my age and the quality of my eggs so if you can start trying earlier then things like this are less likely to happen.
Hi, already had two sons age 7 and 4. Same age with you. One miscarriage in between the two boys - blighted ovum but luckily 2 months after the D&C procedure I'm pregnant with my 2nd. We are trying to conceive again in April. Hoping for bby girl.
Never give up hope ya. Good luck.
Thanks for your message SS that has indeed given me hope. I'm just waiting to see if I need a d&c and then what options I have if any to carry on trying.
Hi Butterfly,
I'm sorry to hear about your blighted ovum. I should think there is no reason why you can't keep trying. I had my last baby at 39. Took me a while to get pregnant and all the bloods came back that I was menopausal. Went to see an accupunturist and went on a diet of brocoli, califlower and red cabbage soup every night! Sounds awful but actually not too bad. Was pregnant within a month and he is a very healthy happy 2 year old.
Keep trying!
Thanks Comets, wow that is interesting about your diet! I am trying to eat as healthily as I can and I am back on a bunch of supplements so I am hoping that I can get pregnant again soon. Congrats on your little boy!
Hi buttefly67 I was elated to read about your pregnancy then saddened by a none viable pregnancy. I appreciate you writing about your experiences. I just turned 40 and I just go married a few months ago. So starting my pregnancy journey and doing some research. I just wanted to send you a wish that I hope everything turns out your way.
Hi camie, thanks for your comment. I think that the chances at 40 are much better than 43/44 so I would be optimistic if I were you. I would just say that if you have not had children before then try for 6 months and if nothing happens then get checked out as soon as possible just in case there are any issues. Best of luck x
Have you considered taking clomid? I took clomid at 42 and got pregnant in the first cycle. Unfortunately I miscarried at 16.5 weeks.
Hi Alex, I'm so sorry for your loss - that must have been terrible at 16.5 weeks. I have thought about asking the doctor for clomid but because I already ovulate each month I was not sure if it would have any benefit. Now after getting pregnant on my own I think I will try naturally for a few more months and see if anything happens as I think you are supposed to be more fertile after a miscarriage.
Hello Butterfly! Just like you, I just turned 43 this month (April) and yes, I haven't got pregnant yet after 2 yrs married. But your testimony here makes me somehow inspired me. I have been so depressed since my hubby who is 13 yrs younger than me is still longing to have a baby... I am now under going some test, but i dont know how far it will take me to do this since my previous OB gyne told me that the only way for me to get pregnant is thru IVF... I wish you all the best and God Bless in your journey..
Jac69 I hear of so many women over 40 who are told by their doctors they will only get pregnant by ivf just because of their age. Although it may be more difficult and take a little longer, there is still a chance for us so don't give up. Keep bugging your doctor for all the tests you can get and don't forget to get your husband tested as well. Just because he is younger does not mean he may not have issues with sperm count and mobility. Good luck x
Hi Butterfly. I will be 42 years in May. I reached this age and never having children, I feel I want to take the bull by the horns and googling I came to your site. Due to some treatments I had to be on the pill for the past 6 months as it is bad to get pregnant while doing this treatment. I am taking my last 3 pills and finishing the treatment in a week. After that, I am thinking to not just let this at chance and go for it in a determinted, focused manner as in tackling all aspects, health, vitamins, checks, mental health - optimism and belief -.
I very much wish you the best, keep trying although I am sure it is hard dealing with the dissapointments, but keep trying! I will be keen on looking back to your site and hear wonderful news.
Hi pai and thanks for your comments. I think you are going about this in precisely the right way by finding out everything you need to know straight away and going for it with all you have. There are quite a few supplements you can take that are supposed to improve egg quality which seems to be the major problem at our age. But the one thing that I am glad I did almost from the start is using the basal body thermometer as it really gives you an understanding of how your body is working. I wish you the best of luck.
I am now back in my first two week wait after my miscarriage so am excited to start trying again :-)
you are an amazing person. I am 45 and have a child but have wanted another for about 10 years. I have been pregant and had miscarriages, it is the egg quality that is the issue.
I had hoped the desire for another child would fade but it has not done so, so I will go on. I will look into supplements for imporving egg quality.
Thank you for sharing your experinces it gives hope to all.
Aw thanks kitten, I don't think I am amazing but I think we all just do what we feel is right. I have started taking the CoQ10 now as well as some other supplements that I mention in my other article so I am hoping those will help my egg quality. Good luck to you, I hope you get your baby too. X
hi butterfly,
have you considered going abroad and having embryo transplant. it can be as low as 2 thousand, last i heard for all the treatment. ok so the baby/babies wouldnt be genetically yours but theyd be more viable since your age is so against you.
good luck with your quest. i just wish one of my sons would get a grandchild on the go before too long more.
Thanks Ally, yes I did look into that and I think the cost is more like £5k for IVF with donor egg. I think some of the ones that quote less do not include the cost of meds for both you and the donor :-( Even then the success rate is quite low so I think that is not for me as I don't have that kind of money. Thanks for the thought anyway :-) At least I know I can get pregnant which is the main thing, now I just need one that sticks! Hope you get signs of a grandkid soon!
Don't give up hope as I know of a few weomen at least four who were early fourties up to 46 years of age who had babies who were the epitomy of health and were concieved naturaLLy without any problems ie not needing extra vitamins or anything...Im 43 and single and have one son who is twelve he has a minor dissability and special needs and it's been tough and I thought it had put me off ever haveing any more kids ...but there is a nagging voice that won't go away that I want another baby so I understand...MY ADVICE I GUESS IS try to forget all the things to do with doing it at a certain time and certain position or takeing vitamins etc (though i know thats tough when you want something so bad)and just relax let things happen naturally as you here many stories about weomen getting preganant when they had forgotten or given up on it...
Thanks anon but one problem is I have get the timing right as I effectively have a donor for once a month :-). I guess with the vitamins I feel like I am doing something to help and there have been some studies to show that they can help with improving egg quality which is probably what I need at my age! Thanks for your comment and I wish you good luck too if you decide to have another child. X
Hi Butterfy,
I hope things are going well for you. As you recal,like you, I am going to try to get pregnant and not leave it at chance. I have now prenatal vitamins, ovulation predictor kit, did some tests. Will there be a good book out there that discusses the conception after 40? Maybe you can recommend one. There are so many, I have a hard time selecting one.
Thank you!
Hi pai, sounds like you have got yourself sorted with everything that you need, that's great. Although I have not read it yet, this is a book that I have been recommended by a few people that is written by a woman who struggled to get pregnant and then took charge of her own fertility and had a baby when she was over 40. I really must get round to reading it myself. This is the US link http://amzn.to/K9IaoY and this is the UK link http://amzn.to/K9Isfz (I'm not sure where you are from but hopefully one of these will work for you!). Best weishes and let me know how you get on, I'm very excited for you.
Hi hope you are well and allso thought I would just add this note as you are doing everything you possibly can to get pregnant which is great...but have you checked your mans sperm count? If he allready has fathered children this is good indication obviously but if he has no kids up till this point is this because he has been very carefull or because there is something wrong with him.I only say this for your benefit as it would be rubbish for you if you are doing all this and it turns out to be him that is the problem..I would at least try to rule it out...it go with him to check it if he will do this
Thought you should read this article on google it points out some more things about egg quality etc but the interesting thing is that there are some things that you wouldn't have realised can have a detremental effect on egg quality after use of ie the pill after a long time or supriseingly use of some fertlilty drugs naturall and otherwise...good idea to read it.Type in "does egg quality effect haveing a healthy baby" look for the paragraph headed "low ovarian reserve -natural health for fertility.It also gives some supriseing ideas to increase your egg quality....one part suggest yoga to relax body etc as apparantly stress can effect eggs but you could meditate if you didn't wana do yoga
Hi anon, thanks, yes we have had his sperm count checked - it wasn't that good (although he has previous children) so he started taking vitamins and wearing looser clothes and 3 months later was when I got my BFP. So hopefully that has fixed it and it is OK now but they did say we would have to do IUI or IVF.
Thanks for the info on the things that you shouldn't do - I will go check that out. Interestingly I do yoga so maybe I will try and do a bit more of that as I only really do it once a week at most right now.
Hey butterfly, I too am yearnu.g for another baby. I have 4 children already but had them wen I was young. At the age of 27 it was all taken away from me. The doctors did the wrong procedure on me n cutmy tubes without my consent. All those year's I have yearned to hav just one more child. I haven't given up completely yet, as I hav to go for more tests...I wish you all the best n thank you for letting me share my story, as yours was very inspirational, not only to me but others...god bless n wish you all the best.
Aw thanks dymples - I hope they can repair your tubes, that is terrible. I wish you the best of luck.
hi there, just read your blog. i suffered 9 miscarriages and gave up until i was told of an old wives tale of consuming large amounts of vitamin e. We welcomed a beautiful boy 9 weeks early but healthy. now trying again at 43.
Hi dominique, congrats on your baby boy :-) I have also heard of a few stories of ladies being short on different vitamins and then taking them and getting pregnant. I'm taking a multi vit so I hope that this will cover me for anything I may be short of, fingers crossed. Good luck to you on trying again.
Hello, I just turned 43 on May 11th & have been trying to conceive my 1st child. I got pregnant last year but miscarried after 10 weeks. I was devastated but I plan to try again very soon. I also have an issue with fibroids & my dr. adviced me to get 2 removed before I try again because if I go to term, they will get bigger & push against the baby. I wish you baby dust :)
Thanks very much cry4ababy and I'm sorry for your loss. I have heard of some ladies who have had fibroids removed and gone on to get pregnant - I wish you the best of luck too. x
howcurecancer 13 months ago
I am happy for you and I am anxious to let us know if you are pregnant now.